The battle in my mind

Well today has been a week of not smoking....I know that the physical addiction is probably gone...however, the mental is still raging on.....I having been wanting a cigarette all morning and even part of last night....it appears only when I get frustrated...or in a spat with the other half....it seems nothing I say lately won't cause a rude comment back...I am tired of spending my week-ends frustrated...but another day down...I will focus on not smoking today...and remember that I can breathe better, I don't stink...and I can do this....

Feeling good today....

Well today is my Friday...the counter says 5 days...but I count 6 don't know how that works my last cigarette was on September 21 at 10.30 pm...but that doesn't matter all that much....I just know I'm not smoking...I got on the treadmill again today and actually walked 1.5 miles in 32 minutes...thats fantastic for me it used to take almost an hour when I was smoking...it feels so very good to not stink...my 19 year old son gave me a hug an kiss before bed the other night and said "Wow mom you don't stink. I'm so proud of you"...that almost made me cry...he has been the one child that has been concerned about my smoking...I just hope and pray when the Chantix goes away...I will remain smoke free...How long do people actually stay on the Chantix...I guess I don't need to be concerned with that right now..since I have a ways to go...Hopefully everyone will have a great rest of the day smoke-free

Another day ...I'm still doing it and can't believe it...Today was somewhat hard...the cravings or thoughts or whatever you want to call them were there many times today ..but I made it through...I actually got on the treadmill today for the first time in a few weeks...it was so different I could go faster and longer and not get out of breath so easy....I read my bible..did some praying and cleaning...it all felt good..it's day 5 now and almost over....I'm very thankful...for another day....

Can this really be happening...I do believe it is...Wow day three and I haven't smoked...this Chantix is really helping....I would have been a raging idiot by now...but I'm pretty calm...yes the cravings are there but not near as bad as they many years ago...My Supervisor was at work today...she asked me if I missed her yesterday..I almost hated to tell her the truth but I did...No I didn't miss you....I didn't bother to tell her why So I asked her how her day was..to get the heat off of me...I did confide in a friend at work who quit almost 2 years ago...He said he would be praying for me...boy do I need that...my supervisor and I used to take turns going out to smoke....she would say to me...I'm going out...and I would say to her that I was going out...so all morning long I'm hearing her tell me she was going out and I could go after her...so I just smiled and said OK...but I never did...later my friend asked me in front of her how I was doing and I said fine..my Supervisor asked if I was ok...I finally decided to let the cat out of the bag...she said she felt bad for telling me I could go out after her...it's all good though...I left work with a smile on my face....Wow I made it thru....Sorry guysl...I copied and pasted from the other blog...I really don't even know how blogs work...but I'm sailing into alot of unchartered waters these days...I don't know if the same people read this blog as my other blog...I just figure I need all the help I can get and give....
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Didn't have a chance to write last night...but yesterday was my first day of actual Freedom...wow I can hardly believe it...it felt good..today was my second day....I'm. feeling ok...but have cravings for a cigarette....I'm still on the Chantix but feeling bloated, nausea at times, but so far it is worth it...I have got to keep going I want this monkey off my back once and for all....

Last day

Well tomorrow is the day I have decided to quit...I have been very depressed all day just thinking about this...I love smoking and yet I hate it at the same time...I have had a headache all day...is it the Chantix or thinking too much about this...The thoughts that are running through my mind are compromising the quit day...do I really want to smoke..back and forth...I keep everyone that has managed to quit big KUDOS...if I can just may it through the first few days....it's not so much as physical as it is mental.....UGH!

First Blog of Freedom

Well this is my first blog....I'm on my 8th day of Chantix....and my 2nd day of .05mg twice a day...I figure I will try and build up to the maxium and then make the plunge into freedom....I'm nervous and scared...I don't want to be a failure again...I have tried so many times to quit smoking...and always ended up going back...I have been in bondage to these things for 37 years...and am sick of them but at the same time love them...I'm having some nausea problems...but not too bad if I eat first...then the dreams are starting to come...wow...I don't ever remember dreaming before....we shall see how this journey goes...as for now I will continue to find new hobbies to do...I started geocaching....thinking that would take my mind off...but I end up huffing and puffing up the hill....and smoking when I get back to the truck....something will have to change ....